It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
