DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
