His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
