Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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