Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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