Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
