Whoa Z and x make the same sound
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
