He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize