Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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