in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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