I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
