If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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