whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
