omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize