Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
