Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
