It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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