"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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