I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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