I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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