just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
