6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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