But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
