Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
