How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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