but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
