man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
