I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize