I puked a lego.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize