is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
