Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize