Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
