I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize