Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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