P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We talked him into tasing himself.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
