I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
