he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
