And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
home. puking in laundry basket.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
