I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
