I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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