I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
