I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
