He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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