Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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