I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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