so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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