I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
