I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
