I think im going to throw up on grandma
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize