Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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