fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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