i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
