On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I want to make a zoo with you.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
