So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
