I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm passing your future prison.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
