Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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