Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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