i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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