I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
