I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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