Slut skills are useful in every country.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
