Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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