did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
