I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
