11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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