I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
