she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
