New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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