i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
