with your own penis?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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