i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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