I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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