Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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