Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
