If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
