She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
