Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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