went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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