Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
