I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
