No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You ruined the universe
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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