I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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