I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize