have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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