the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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