i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
