is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
