fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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