this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
