He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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