No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
