Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
