We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Fuck appropriateness.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
