My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
