He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize