when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
