It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
