All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
