how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
