i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
