The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
