Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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