woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
