Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
