Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
